Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
we're so committed to being not committed
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
