So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
