i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
