4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
