$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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