i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
