somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
