I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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