My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize