He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I want her autograph on my taint
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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