It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
