can we get nightvision for the apartment?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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