I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize