So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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