Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my shit smells like andre
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize