I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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