I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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