How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I skipped work to stalk him.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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