They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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