btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
