Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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