Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
