if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
