So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize