i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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