I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
