She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
