The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
