Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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