Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
