Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
