Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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