I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
