tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
