help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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