Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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