Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
