Don't you send me to vm
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
