miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
