My hand turned me down
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
