he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
