I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
