so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
