Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
BRING THE BAGELS
Is Oprah even human
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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