I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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