i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
