Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
