Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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