even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
