Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Please don't give away my fajitas
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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