Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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