dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
