Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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