I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
