hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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