I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize