i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
A bitchslap is in order.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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