Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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