I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
