you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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