he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just google imaged poop.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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