I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
